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Pornography as Sex Education

Growing up, sex was made to feel robotic, awkward and taboo. It was frowned upon to talk about sex, never mind the idea of pleasure, self-love, and especially not gay sex. So as curious little teenagers browsing the internet, we would eventually find our first porn video. If porn is going to continue to exist, it should have more realistic depictions of what sex is actually like as opposed to the exaggerated theatrics porn currently produces.

Porn As It Is

Through the years, and especially in more modern culture, porn has helped us explore deeper into our fantasies in the comfort of our own home. It’s been one of the few outlets gay people have been able to safely use to understand their bodies and what feels good to them, besides being with another person. There is an openness in each scene that lets the two (or more) people accept one another for their desires.

In porn at least, there is no hiding oneself; everyone is unapologetically gay. But as many positive outcomes pornography has, there are just as many unintended negative ones.

What Porn is Doing to Us

Pornography isn’t meant to be used as legitimate sex education. www.FightTheNewDrug.org found that 60% of students in high school turn to porn for information about sex, “despite almost 75% even admitting that it creates unrealistic expectations”. Watching porn creates a subconscious “Fuck Like a Porn Star” expectation which in turn creates some level of anxiety and can interfere with performance. Don Shewey explains this further in his book “The Paradox of Porn: Notes on Gay Male Sexual Culture.”

“It offers a distorted picture of what constitutes sex and what normal bodies look like, and it leaves out many of the social and emotional elements that make an erotic connection truly satisfying”

Shewey, pg. 32

Excessive watching of porn could lead to mild to severe performance anxiety or to the extreme, porn addiction.

“Guys who are so accustomed to masturbating looking at porn, [they may] find it difficult or impossible to climax in someone else’s presence and/or to climax any other way than stroking themselves”

Shewey, pg. 32

It creates a distorted image of what actual sex looks like. Porn makes it seem like everyone can easily be easily seduced and everyone is DTF. The men usually have erections longer than 6 inches, hard or soft. There is no talk beforehand of likes and dislikes, what’s allowed and what isn’t, there is no build up into sex of trying to seduce the other person, and the actors seem to last forever. The actors also contort themselves to make sure that the camera can see every angle during each uncomfortable position.

What We’re Doing About Porn

If people are going to continue to use pornography as their sex education, there needs to be some kind of specialty porn that could be used in more realistic ways. Without taking away any of the eroticism that porn usually provides, it could also subtly teach its users to talk to each other about consent, pleasure, and stimulation. It should feature  real people with more realistic body types or at least show different scenes with different people of different bodies.

YouTube personality Davey Wavey actually started a program like that called “30 Days of Pleasure”. It was a series of videos, podcasts, and instructional guides, all filled with fully nude men, all about how to seek and find pleasure for yourself and your partner. The initial 30 Days of Pleasure was taken down, but expanded upon in the website www.Himeros.Tv.

The title is a playoff of Himeros, the greek god of sexual desire. It features similar types of models you would see in regular pornography but it does diversify with models of different races.

The intent of porn is to arouse you and make you cum. It’s a worthwhile pursuit and something we all love! However, the intent with Himeros.tv is to enhance your experience of sex and sexuality. Himeros.tv shows you new ways to experience pleasure, discover your desires and express yourself in ways that bring you joy and ecstasy.

The ABOUT section of Himeros.TV

In one video about finding your prostate, the video shows you how to help relax your sphincter before sticking anything in your ass, and how to gently massage your way in, and then the location of the prostate and how to stimulate it. It doesn’t take away any of the eroticism that is expected of porn while at the same time, teaching the user how to safely perform for yourself or your partner.

Pornography isn’t going away anytime soon. By showing people that sex can be safe, pleasurable and nothing to fear, it’ll make for a much better and easier time for all of us. Although Himeros.tv doesn’t show diversity in body types quite yet, it is a step in the right direction away from the exaggerated porn we are normally used to seeing. Future pornography could potentially be used as sex education, if produced and used correctly.

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Written by Kevin Kearley

Personal growth has been some of the most difficult but most rewarding work I have ever done. After several conversations about body image with different gay men, I realized that this was a conversation no one was having on a global scale. I'm not here to write about why you should love your body; rather why we don't like our bodies in the first place.

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