I bet you thought I was going to talk about sex right? Well guess again, the real question that I have is simple. In this world, there are different types of people. They accept you for who you are, try to change you, and there are those that are just shitty people. Let’s be honest here I’m a gay like many other, grew up in church, sang in the choir, and hell I was even leading worship. Regardless of what I was doing, I want to get to the “Raw” part of this story, because I think it might give you a little insight on who I am and my crazy life.
Have you ever looked up a definition of a word, find out its meaning, and then go “Oh shit, this is totally me!” Yea? Well If you were wondering what the word “Raw” means let me explain it to you. Raw- is uncooked, not analyzed, evaluated, or processed for use and my favorite definition – it is bleak, cold, and damp.
Throughout my teenage and college years I was every one of those definitions, but cold was what stuck out to me the most. As I stated before I was a “good ole Christian boy” who at one time was thriving. Enamored at the simple fact that I could be just like my older brother who was this terrific worship leader, he was the perfect example.
As I stated before I was a “good ole Christian boy” who at one time was thriving again “It’s All Happening”. I was enamored at the simple fact that I could be just like my older brother who was this terrific writer of worship music, he was a nurse for the love of God he was the perfect example. Over the years I started to change I got a cool job at whole foods, made new friends, and it’s actually where I truly came out my shell, its also the place I got into my first relationship with A DUDE!!!! I know scary right?
So I started swapping out my worship singing for drinking on a Sunday funday or really just being me even though it was a secret to many. People quote this saying a lot “What’s done in the dark will eventually come to the light” and trust me I started to feel the heat from that lamp that I couldn’t unplug that’s for sure.
Any person would be upset for having to leave a place that was like your home away from home and it hurts even more because you know the outcome of what will happen when you reveal specific things. The decisions soon started to affect everyone who was remotely close to me, it started to raise questions with some old faces that I haven’t seen In a very long time and when I was faced with the truth I could not answer, so what do I do when these allocation come flying my way like a complete shit storm.
Well, that is exactly what happened to me. After I left to live my life in “freedom” of the four walls that happen to be the church that we went to for years I was out in the open slaying with my gayness and IT WAS SO THRILLiNG! I went out, partied, and had no curfew to stop me who wouldn’t want this type of life? #livingmybestlife
Coming out at any age is not easy, because we fear the unexpected results of what’s going to happen with the relationships that we have with our families. A few months, and the fears that I had were coming into reality friendships that were started began to deteriorate, messages become irrelevant and we just stopped checking on each other.
The sad part is I didn’t even notice until it was too late, life happened and I was not prepared for the challenges I would have to face It was like I was Dorthy in Oz except I couldn’t click my red pumps to return home which in better words sucked so why is this important?
I say F**k that we were meant for so much more in this world, and for people who don’t believe it, that is your loss completely. In the end, it made me a stronger human being, who doesn’t take shit from anyone so your welcome!
Now know my story and have experienced a little of me, just know sometimes you have to create your own family. It doesn’t have to be your immediate it can be a group of your friends, your partner’s family, or even your roommate. Know that you are not alone in this world, there are plenty of people who share the exact same story as you and me.
Some say “Never let any person dull your sparkle,” “shoot for the moon,” but for meI never wanted the moon. Give me the stars, mars and the whole damn galaxy so that I can make a difference in the world today as it has made a difference in me.
What are your thoughts on coming out in a very conservative christian home? Let me know on twitter, and instagram @Queer.Here.Thriving