in ,

Ask Allister #1: Love and relationship advice

Kevin, Cody, and Dillian Write…

Q_“Can long distance relationships also apply to long distance in time? Not necessarily geographically distant, but not seeing one another for several weeks at a time. How does one deal with that insecurity?

A_In new relationships, all we want to do is spend our free time together—the honeymoon stage as society has classified it to be. There’s no rush! Take this time to balance out work, friends, my time, dating, and of course family. Everyone in your life will appreciate this as well. The insecurity part is simply fearing if we let too much time pass, since the last rendezvous, the other party will lose interest and move on. Throw that mindset out the window! You have to remember the two of you still have lives to lead and were doing so before signing on the relationship dotted line. Send him texts every now and then during the space letting him know you’re thinking about him and can’t wait to spend time. Not only will this squash any insecurities you have, but it will also make the person you’re seeing feel very important to you in a subtle way.


Q_“I’m undetectable and haven’t told the person I’m currently seeing. We’re waiting on the physical part of the relationship until we get to know each other better…is there an easy way of letting him know?”

A_First things first, kudos on being honest with your partner. Takes large amounts of bravery to come forward with something very personal. Unfortunately, there’s really no easy way of letting a partner know of your status. But, the way the conversation is handled may lessen the blow. Avoid the texting route as this needs to be a direct face to face interaction. Once alone with him, ask what he knows about the status of Undetectable. Your partner may know more about it then realized and become supportive. If he responds negatively, note he’s one person out of billions. Allow him time to digest the new found information. Over time, reactions can shift.


Q_“Which is better, taking a guy out for dinner or make him dinner on the first date?”


A_If you possess culinary skills like those of Emeril Lagasse or Gordon Ramsey, break out the pots and pans my friend! It comes down to comfortability and what you’re trying to convey. Taking someone of interest out to dinner shows money isn’t an issue, but at the same time have to worry about other people around the two of you including the waiter/waitress who may interrupt a really great conversation. Cooking dinner for your first date creates a much more intimate surrounding. Nothing beats a fabulous home-cooked meal showing your date you can put in the effort. Trust, as well, plays a huge factor when allowing a complete stranger into your home. Either way, you can’t lose.


Ask your question via twitter @GayBoyBible or Email us:

Written by Allister Dean

Allister grew up on a steady diet consisting of Sex and the City, Devil Wears Prada, Jen Lancaster, & Queer as Folk. He has dated, hooked up, and screwed up enough to provide insight on your love and lust dilemmas.

Allister Dean is the author of Deliciously Wicked and Brutally Bitter

The ultimate gay collaboration might be just around the corner

5 Gay Fashion Trends to Try ASAP After Coming Out