What are the first words that come to mind when hearing this one word? Anal? Homo? Maybe something more explicit, like cum-dumpster or bum-boy? How do you feel when you hear the word gay? How do you feel when you are referred to as one of the above?
They are all titles that have been thrown my way prior too, and since coming out in 2011 (I’ve even got the tattoo to remind me of the date!). Now though, “gay” makes me feel something else entirely.
When I hear the word gay, I think of myself naturally, but I also think of pride. Gay pride – the event, to be precise.
You see, I have always had a slight fear of mingling with fellow gays, and I’ve never understood why. Perhaps the bullying I went through in my early to late teens, pounded into me (for lack of a better term) a deep sense of fear of being gay and all things associated with it. Only now writing this does it seem plausible… EPIPHANY?!
WELL, NO MORE!
I’m taking the plunge. My partner of 3 years and his horde of lesbians have convinced me that it’s nothing to fear, and it’s time to embrace and immerse myself in the culture to the fullest. This weekend, I’m going! I’ve done a lot of preaching to others since coming out that they should love and appreciate themselves unashamedly, and live how they wish provided it’s not hurting anyone. It’s time to start listening to my own wisdom.
There are opinions in today’s’ world that we cannot control or change, and nervousness and anxiety are natural. However, at the age of 25, I’m deciding that my emotional response to things that I can’t control shouldn’t prevent me from engaging in enjoyable experiences. At risk of sounding cliche, I am going to “Feel the fear, and do it anyway”.
My point is for any of you LGBT identifying people reading this that have anxieties relating to sexuality or social situations, a fear of being judged or teased for how they express themselves or the company they enjoy? I urge you to take risks and get used to feeling uncomfortable. Life isn’t plain sailing and if it was the journey would be dull.
What do I feel when I hear the word gay? Absolute pride.
You are a model and the world is your runway. Hopefully, I’ll see you there! Go get ’em, queens!
Know the feeling? Let us know on twitter!! @GayBoyBible