Allister Dean
Intelligent people tend to have less friends than the average person. The smarter you are, the more selective you become.
—Telsa
Just like any romantic relationship, friendships aren’t always forever (pass the cookie dough, please.) At times it may be easy when both parties realize the two of you no longer have anything in common and there are others—you’ve shared many memories with—that become toxic. It’s hard to let them go, but necessary.
One-Sided or Lack of Contribution
There’s a saying—in order to get, you have to give. Effort should be made on both sides. Key signs to look out for: your friend never starts a conversation or initiate plans—often claims to be busy to hang out.
My Experience: I had reached out to Roy* through Facebook multiple times asking how he’s been and vice-versa. Anytime I would initiate plans he would say, “I’m really busy or let me check to see if I have anything planned.” Giving Roy* benefit of the doubt, I came across a post—the next day—from one of his friends she tagged him in making arrangements with him to go bowling. Roy* accepted the invite. That’s when I knew it was one-sided.
Uses You More Like A Therapist
Being there for someone during a difficult time is the best medicine for our friends. Over time, they’ll get over it and appreciate you in the long run. In return, will be standing by for when you need them. Key signs to look out for: wants to hang out 5 to 6 times a week, giving you the impression of doing something fun when really its just another coffee and couch confessional.
My Experience: Mindy* was a good friend—until Tinder got in the way. One minute she was fine and the next she would be in tears over the very guy. I have other friends who are in and out of relationships regularly. They understood when one was just a fling—not worth another second of their time and one that needed to be talked out—getting a different perspective. Mindy would constantly ask to hang out and I would agree. By the time she would come over or at her place, the two of us would be on the couch discussing why she can’t find love or why guys can’t be honest about their intentions.
The Past Is The Only Present
We all have friends who have been a big part of lives and were there for a majority of those big moments. Sometimes, those very friendships end up looping to the point of reliving the past, never able to move on. If the other party is unable to grow from the past, it’s time snip the cord.
My Experience: A friend of mine—either through text or face to face interaction—would always bring up how much fun we had partying while attending previous prides in San Francisco wishing it could be like that all the time. As much as I loved those memories—cherishing them—I’m all about making new memories and looking to the future. He was stuck in the past.
You Can’t Trust Them
Trust is the blueprint of having healthy friendships. Without it, might as well not invest in any development. Trust has so many different parts to that the slightest fracture in one of them causes the whole foundation to crumble.
My Experience: Years ago, Andrew* and I met at an old job and became good friends. I felt like I could rely on him for anything. One night—while out at a bar—Andrew was talking to a mutual friend behind my back—literally and how he could no longer talk to me. Little did he know I was right next to him hearing the whole conversation. Turning around, his face read “oh sh*t, he heard me!” From then on, I couldn’t trust him.
*NAMES HAVE BEEN CHANGED
